Never Say Goodbye
by rayrae118
Summary: ST: ID spoilers! Missing scene fic. The crew learns the fate of their beloved captain. Somewhat ambivalent in terms of relationships, could be friendship, could be Bones/Kirk. It's up to you!


**Because I really wanted to actually see the rest of the command crew find out Jim's dead.**

**Disclaimer: not mine**

Letting out that cry may not have been the Vulcan thing to do, but it did help Spock, just a little.

He lowered his hands from the glass, trying so hard to reign it all back in. A few more tears dropped before he collected himself, and stood up. One last look at his captain… his friend… and then he turned around.

Scotty and Nyota were still standing there. Uhura had her hands pressed to her mouth, her breath coming in gasps as she was unable to look away from the scene of her captain… her friend… lying there.

Scotty wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and squeezed gently, before letting go as Spock walked up to the pair.

His eyes were tortured, though his face was calm. He said nothing, simply laid a hand on Nyota's shoulder. She looked up into his face, her own expression screaming with pain.

It was amazing, how much ones opinion could change in just a year. At the Academy, she had hated him. He was so confident, and cocky. He slept with anything that moved, and didn't take his schoolwork seriously. And yet he still came out at the top of their class.

Or maybe she just hated him because he wouldn't stop flirting with her, trying to get her into bed.

No, she was being petty. She knew that he hadn't meant any of those pick up lines after about three weeks at the Academy together. He only said them to get a rise out of her. Because for some reason, he liked to see her annoyed.

Since Kirk had been given the _Enterprise_, and requested her as Chief Communications Officer, they had put aside the rivalry, and she had quickly come to see him as one of her best friends. He was practically like her brother by now.

She had never told him that. Now, she never would.

Spock lifted his hand, and turned to face Scotty. "Lieutenant, see to the conclusion of the decontaminant process. As soon as it is complete, please move the captain to Medical." Both could hear the stress in the now captain's voice. As he had been reminded so many times over the last few days, he was half human, and it was that half, now, that was coming to the front. How was he supposed to take on Jim's job, and act like he was all right with it? He couldn't be a captain, not like this.

Uhura gulped. _McCoy_. Who was going to tell Leonard? Those two were such good friends; she wasn't even sure any of them knew how close the captain and doctor really were.

Scotty nodded once, his gaze flickering over to Jim, before returning to the First Officer - _Captain, now_.

Without another word, Spock left.

Uhura and Scotty shared another glance, before Scotty moved over to the Engineering console, finishing the decontaminating procedures, and Uhura pulled out her communicator. Before she could speak, Chekov ran up to them. He looked at their somber faces, and unwillingly, his eyes turned to the radioactive chamber.

Uhura watched his expression morph from anxiousness to grief and pain. "Nyet," he murmured, unwilling to believe his own eyes.

Uhura reached out and gave him a light hug. "Pavel," she whispered, squeezing him gently, taking as much comfort from him as he did from her.

Chekov closed his eyes, feeling the tears build up unwillingly. He pulled back a minute later, his gaze watery, his expression bleak.

Uhura tried to smile, but couldn't force it out. "They need you on the bridge, Pavel."

Chekov searched her gaze for something. He seemed to have found it, because he nodded, and pulled back. "Ve vill get him. Khan vill pay."

Uhura nodded, and watched as the young Russian left Engineering, before she looked down at the communicator in her hands.

Swallowing harshly, she spoke the command. "Uhura to Medical."

It took a few seconds before she got a reply. "McCoy here, what's wrong?"

Uhura grimaced. Of course McCoy could tell something was up by her voice. She sounded watery. If only she could stop crying. "Leonard…"

She trailed off, and on the other end, McCoy's dread doubled. Something was seriously wrong. "Damn it, Uhura, just tell me what's wrong."

Uhura gulped. "Leonard, we need a medical team down here, with a body bag."

McCoy started. "Wh –" he voice caught, and he coughed to clear it. "Who?"

Uhura paused just long enough for McCoy to figure it out, before she replied, voice soft, "Please, Leonard, just send a team down here."

McCoy swallowed, his eyes slipping shut for a moment. "We'll be right down. McCoy out."

Uhura grimaced. She didn't think it was the best idea for McCoy to come down himself, but she knew he would need to do it.

Her next call was definitely something she didn't want to do, but she knew it was necessary. "Uhura to Bridge."

A moment later, she got the response. "Sulu here."

She closed her eyes briefly, pushing all the emotions back behind a wall for the time being; they weren't out of the woods yet, and she needed to get through this. "Sulu. The Captain is dead."

There was a shocked silence from the other end, broken by someone in the background crying out. Whoever it was cut off abruptly, and Sulu replied, his voice almost calm, but for the thread of pain and tightness that she, as a distinguished linguist, could hear. "How?"

Nyota turned back to Jim's body. Scotty was almost done with the decontamination process. They would be able to move Jim's body by the time McCoy and the team from Medical arrived. "He went into the warp core chamber to realign the housings. He saved us all, Sulu, but the radiation…"

She couldn't finish the sentence, but it didn't really need completing. It was somewhat sobering, to realize that their captain had just given his life to save them.

Sulu let out a shuddering breath, his hands clenching tightly as he sat at the helm. How was he supposed to react to this? Around him, the crew on the Bridge were reacting similarly. Several of them were crying silently, and the rest looked like they might be on their way to doing so soon.

He tried to speak, but his voice hitched slightly, and he had to clear his throat, before he tried again. No one could mistake the pain in his voice now as he spoke. "Thank you, Nyota. Please…" He trailed off, not really knowing what to say, or what he was trying to communicate.

Nyota understood though. Her own voice was shaky across the comm. "Spock and Chekov are on their way up now."

Indeed, a moment later, the 'lift opened, and Spock stepped out. His voice was harsh as he spoke to Sulu, but learning what he just had, the pilot understood. Chekov entered a moment later, and their replacement navigator obediently stood up, making room for the younger man.

Uhura closed her communicator, and glanced up. McCoy and the medical team had arrived, but the doctor stopped short right beside her.

His eyes were filled with pain, and grief, and at least ten other emotions even she couldn't identify.

Scotty opened the door to the chamber, and a loud click of the door disengaging from its locks filled the room.

No one spoke. The two nurses who had accompanied McCoy moved forward, and, on Scotty's nod, pulled their captain out of the room, lying him on the floor, his sightless eyes still open, empty in death. His expression was calm, like he had known all along what would happen, and was all right with it. He had made his peace with dying. He had done it for a noble reason, after all.

McCoy knelt next to his captain, his friend, his everything. The two nurses stepped back to give him some room, laying out the body bag in preparation.

He didn't notice anything else around him, like Scotty's crying starting anew, or Uhura leaving, ostensibly to return to the Bridge to make sure that Khan paid for everything he had taken from them.

He reached out with one trembling hand, and closed Jim's eyes. _Damn it_, why had he had to be so noble? Why did he have to be so selfless?

Leonard – no, right now, he was Bones – knew why Jim had done it. It was more than just, 'I had to save my crew'. The crew of the _Enterprise _was Jim's family, but even more than that, Bones knew that Jim had done it all for him. It all went back to a mission they had had just a few months into their commission. Bones wasn't usually part of the landing party, but that particular mission had required the doctor's skills, so he had gone along, moaning and groaning like usual.

Of course, it had all gone to hell rather quickly – perhaps more quickly than usual, because at that point, they were still expecting things to be easy and simple when the mission parameters _said _that things should be easy and simple.

Jim had worked his magic, something self-sacrificing that had his blood pressure skyrocketing, and when Bones finally got him back to sickbay, and worked his own magic to keep the captain from bleeding out, he was finally able to give the younger man a lecture – making sure, of course, that Jim was tied to the biobed in order to prevent any escape attempts.

_Why'd you do it, kid?_

Jim's piercing blue eyes had stared back, and his expression was completely calm and accepting. _I couldn't let them kill you._ McCoy – no, he was definitely Bones now – remembered not understanding Jim's reasoning. The captain had sighed, and turned his head so that he was staring at the ceiling.

_Bones, you're the reason I'm still here. You're more than my best friend, my brother. You're my everything, and I can't live in a world where you don't exist._

Bones really hadn't known what to say to that, so he just gave Jim a sedative, and watched him drift off into a peaceful sleep, feeling his chest lighten, unable to stop the slight smile that drifted across his face.

Looking at Jim now, he knew that the reasoning for this idiotic stunt was the same as his reasoning for attempting to sacrifice himself for his crew back then.

_I can't live in a world where you don't exist._ "Neither can I, Jim," was the broken whisper that forced its way out of Bones' lips.

Behind him, both nurses looked at each other in confusion, not understanding the strange comment.

The ship rocked a little, and Bones looked up. They couldn't stay here much longer. He needed to get Jim back to Medical. He nodded to the nurses, and they moved forward, helping him put his best friend, his brother, his everything, into the body bag. Part of him hoped that Spock left a piece of Khan for him.

**XXX**

McCoy knew the nurses were being intentionally careful, as they lowered the body bag onto the table. He took a deep breath as they stepped back, unzipping the bag and once more coming face to face with death.

He couldn't do this. He knew he was supposed to perform an autopsy, but what would it tell them that they didn't already know? Jim had died of radiation poisoning. A heroic death. Just like his father, he had died for his crew. An autopsy would just be painful, redundant, and most likely just drive a stake further into his frozen heart. His chest felt like ice. He couldn't breathe.

He couldn't do this.

He stepped away from the table and sat down at his desk, head buried in his hands. Around him, everyone in Medical was crowded around; the medbay was filled with nurses, the two other doctors assigned to the _Enterprise_, and all the various crew that had been injured in the attacks.

All of them were somberly silent as they observed their captain lying there.

Carol Marcus stood at his head, tears dripping down her face. While she had remained completely professional during this mission, she couldn't deny that something about the boyishly charming captain spoke to her. She had wondered what might have been. Now, she would never find out.

McCoy let out a deep sigh, feeling his own eyes burning with unshed tears. There would be time later to let it out. When he was alone, and no one could see him.

Suddenly, movement caught his eye.

The Tribble. It was breathing. But he knew it had been dead. _What the hell?_

Something new was percolating in his chest. The icy feeling was breaking up. His heart was thawing.

Something else was taking over.

_Hope_. _Desire. Possibilities._

_This just sort of came to mind, as I was reading all those other wonderful Star Trek stories. Let me know what you think!_


End file.
